Questions about children's jealousy

When your family there is a second child, automatically raises the question of child jealousy. Regardless of how you will be fair and generous in their parents' feelings, your children will be competing with each other for your attention and love.

And this rivalry, as a rule, takes the most brutal and vulgar forms: children are quarreling, fighting, miscall and tease each other, snitch. What to do?



Before birth


Prepare the child for the birth of her brother. Tell him about the future of birth in about two or three months before the baby. Previously, it is not necessary, because the child may become restless, awaiting the imminent birth. And for three months he was able to see an explanation of your stomach, and a future brother or sister will not be for him something abstract, it can even feel the tremors of their feet.



Allow your child to play in the decorator. Let him help you beat the children's room, choose furniture and other accessories. If you plan to change the usual course of his life (move it to another bedroom, for example, or moved from the baby crib to adult bed), do it at least a couple of months before the birth of the youngest child to the senior not felt slighted.
Tell us about what happens while you're in the hospital. Approximately two weeks before giving birth, start to prepare your child for the upcoming absence. Discuss all organizational issues as possible, it is clear, try to dispel any fears and doubts.

Even if you're in the hospital a couple of days, your child will probably be concerned about those changes.

If it is going to stay with a relative, friend or babysitter, you can ask that person to spend the night in your house for one to two weeks before the birth. If possible, let your child comes to hospital after the birth of her brother, so he was beginning to feel a significant part of your extended family.



After birth


Immediately draws the child to care for the baby. When you bathe the baby, he can hold towels or soap to help stem the child.

When you go for a walk, give him a push wheelchair. You can even give the baby gently in his arms to his elder brother, only to watch that. By connecting a child to care for a newborn, you will awaken in him the rudiments of responsibility towards his brother or sister, as well as give him feel proud of the fact that he is caring for an infant.
Spend an older child enough "mother's" time. For your child's natural to feel jealous. Suddenly he is forced to share you with someone who requires a huge proportion of your time and attention. Spend some time each day doing something just with him, even if it's just a few minutes of drawing or playing dice. If your baby falls asleep in the evening before the older child, select an hour or two for the "baby time" and use it for joint reading, games or look at family albums.



Prevent aggression. Young children often express their feelings in action, but because it is likely that the elder brother in an emotional outburst can throw something in the younger child, or even hit him. Be attentive to the behavior of an older child, and seeing in it the signs of aggressive behavior, try to extinguish these negative emotions. If he still hit his younger brother, in any case do not humiliate him and punish him physically - such actions may make him later to take revenge on the baby. Just tell me that his behavior is unacceptable. Do not encourage competition.



Resist the temptation to compare your children. The classic "Why can not you be like your sister?" Very hurt feelings. Instead of separately emphasize the advantages of each of the children, praise and encourage them both, whenever possible: "Today you're both playing great football!"
Teach them to independently resolve conflicts. As your kids get older you have to teach them as much as possible to decide their own conflicts. For young children it can mean to disperse to different corners of the room and play one by one, if they can not stop bickering over toys. Do not take a long time, as they soskuchatsya at each other or they will be curious what the other. Do not forget to praise your child whenever they decide conflicts.



Teach them to work together. Look for opportunities to create situations that require cooperation - will approach any activity with a common purpose. For example, they can together remove their toys. And when your youngest child needs help - to put on a sweater or get a favorite book, your older child will always be able to help.
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